Something I might not have shared with you in the past is that, in the past, I have suffered from crippling panic attacks. It has been a while since I feared them but, this past week, that has changed.
Out of the blue, this past Tuesday I had a full blown attack. It popped up, seemingly, out of nowhere. I was so thankful that Isabella wasn't with me as I have no idea how she might have reacted to her Booboo freaking out.
What does one of these attacks look like for me? The pressure in my chest makes me fear a heart attack. Sometimes some pain in my left arm almost convinces me. I tend to feel very hot. I believe I said out loud, "Oh, dear God, help me!" I left my seat in the living room and walked to the kitchen where I held on to the counter for dear life and remembered my training from the Claire Weekes book Hope and Help for Your Nerves .
Self talk:
You are having a panic attack
You have survived them before.
Accept that you are having this panic attack
Your heart is a very strong muscle and it will not explode.
Breathe and float through it.
Sounds too simple, right? Well, it took years for me to be able to work through this. Still, it is a horrible experience.
Why am I talking about this? Why do I talk about most things? To get the word out that we are not alone with our ills and heartaches. I could write about only rosey, wonderful things happening in my life and you could say, "Oh, what a lovely life she has!" Well, I do have a pretty good life but it is not all flowers and butterflys! It has ugliness in it. However, I always have hope.
Hope. How glorious is hope?! I know that this earthly shell is temporary and that I have a heavenly home being prepared for me. When I get there, I will not have panic attacks or fibromyalgia or weight issues. My Isabella will join me there and her autism will be left behind. My grammy, whose Parkinson's stole her expressive face, will greet me with her smile. Oh, what a wonderful hope!
Life has been tough lately. My mother-in-law is in poor health and I am the only one not working full-time so I need to be available to her for doctors' appointments. The Girl needs Himself and me to care for Isabella when she is not in school. Two things that have probably brought back the panic attacks.
Things will get better.
Blessings, g
I just noticed you had posted as I was getting ready to shut down for the night. Gail one thing I appreciate about you is your straight talk, and honesty. Life sure has it's up and downs, and is not always fair. I am so glad that God loves us, and Jesus intervenes, and prays to the Father on our behalf. Jesus warned us in His Word that in this life we would have trials and tribulation, but to not be afraid because He has overcome the World. The reason He told us not to be afraid is because He knew we would be. He fully understands what you are going through, and said, "He would never leave us not forsake us." He is right there with you in the middle of your anxiety attacks.
ReplyDeleteGail I don't always talk about things that bother me or what I go through from time to time, because my mom loves to see, and read my blogs. You are so right when you say life is not all flowers, and pretty butterflies.
Just know for what it is worth that you are in my thoughts, and prayers more than you know.
Love and Care in Jesus our Lord
Dianne :)
My daughter has had a few panic attacks. I think she is doing too much at school and is stressed.
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't have anymore!
Our sermon today would be so good for you. It was out of Romans and it was talking about how we all struggle with different things in our lives, including anxiety and fear, but we can be overcomers with Christ. The old is gone the new has come, praise Jesus! :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, have you ever thought about going to biblical counseling? It's different than seeing a Christian counselor, and it is free. I personally think it's awesome, although I'm a bit biased maybe since I'm becoming a biblical counselor now. Lives are really changed through Christ and the word in biblical counseling, just wonderful and beautiful. Anyway, if you are interested, here is a link to find one near you http://www.nanc.org/Directory.aspx
Take care of yourself!
Given the pressures in your life, it's understandable that you had/have panic attacks. Understandable, but still real and scary and difficult. Your hard work and courage in facing them is an inspiration! We're all in this together.
ReplyDeleteHi Gail,
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and lifting you in prayer now - I suffer anxiety attacks too, I don't know that I would call them full blown panic attacks, but sometimes they have me hanging on to the arm of the chair and praying hard. Sometimes my breathing is affected to and that can be scary - Like you I have had circumstances to cause this and at the moment my blood pressure is very high, this too I believe is caused by anxiety - I admire you for sharing this, it isn't easy, but if we can help each other by sharing these things, then it can only be to the good. God Bless - Nita
Hey, just stopping by to say hi, and give you a big Hug! Hope you don't mind. :) You remain in my thoughts, and prayers. Hope you have a good week, Gail.
ReplyDeletexx's Dianne :)