Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day and Such

It is just after 10:30 PM this Mother's Day of 2011. It was a good day.

Himself and I grabbed a bite last night - although we had to leave because the place we chose was so crowded I got overwhelmed and we had to take the meal to go. It was better at home anyway!

After church, I started to prepare the meal I am going to serve my parents when they visit tomorrow. We so rarely get to see each other and I want to have something special for them. Sunday afternoons are usually for napping but we had to go to Himself's mom's house. It was so good to see everyone there.

Isabella, at age five, is the oldest of the great-grandchildren. Her cousin Giuliana is just thirteen months old and cousin Tyler is just four weeks old. My poor Bells was so upset at not being the center of attention. When I picked up Tyler, the look on my girl's face was like I had put a knife through her heart.

We sometimes expect to be able to reason with our girl as we would an NT (neuro-typical) child but often we can't. What is going on in her mind; her intelligent, wonderful, complex mind? How does she process what she sees and hears? Is she acting like a brat or like a hurt child unable to understand that our love for other children will never take away from our love for her?

There is a very loaded question in the autism community: if you could take away your child's autism, would you? Some say a resounding, "No!" as if you are insulting their child. Those who are on the spectrum and can answer for themselves often say no.

For the parents and families of people with autism who can not communicate or are afflicted with anxiety and frustration, there is often a resounding, "Yes!"

Would I take away Isabella's autism if I could? Get back to me in a few years when she is no longer an adorable five year old; when other kids can hurt her more than they can now; when she realizes she is "different." I'll let you know then.

For now, I will love her and hug her and joyfully swim in the wonder of her hugs and kisses and her requests to sit with me, sitting so closely I can't tell where she begins and I end. I will hope that she never stops calling me Booboo replacing this special name with the generic names grandmothers go by because Booboo makes me feel special. I will walk to raise money to help others on the spectrum. I will advocate and go to meetings at school and support my daughter as best I can on this journey.

I am not a saint. I am a tired, worn out mom and grandmother not always trying my best but doing what I can when I can. There are times when I just sit and play on my netbook or watch tv and knit. I give myself permission to be lazy whenever possible. Thankfully, my best is good enough for Bells. And that is what matters.


  1. Hi Gail,

    Great Post, from one tired worn mom and grandmum to another, who is having one of those lazy hazy days today.

    Hugs Nita

  2. Happy Mother's Day to you Gail! I think your best is pretty great!

  3. You know, as hard as it must be to deal with autism, and I am sure you do an amazing job Grandma!, but I do have this to say... I think it is completely typical for a child to be sad to no longer be the center of attention as they get older and the younger ones come along. I know my own daughter feels like this! Even now as she is a "whopping big" 13 yr old, she asks why the little kids get all the attention - and cookies in the market, and crayons at restaurants, and...! She'd still like that stuff! In fact, the other day we did the drive-thru at the bank and the teller sent a sticker for Kiki - oh my gosh, she is still talking about that silly sticker 4 days later! Growing up can be tough, neuro-typical or not. :-)

  4. I was by and read this Gail a few times.
    I got very lost for words. I couldnt do what you do to be honest. Your words about Bells sure brought tears to my eyes. When and if she changes she will never change towards you. You will always and forever be so special to her and her to you. That is a wonderful gift. Get some rest when you can.
    xoxo Sending you many hugs Gail. xo

  5. Hey, I think grandma's need to take some time to play, whether it be a netbook, camera, or whatever it may be. Grandma's just want to have some fun, just as do all girls. Ha! We all need a break, and a time to recharge, so don't be so hard on yourself.
    Hope you had a Happy Mother's Day.

    Still no baby here, and Sandra has been in the hospital and will now remain there until she has her baby. She is now 33 weeks. They are hoping she can wait another week, but if she goes into labor they will let her deliver as her water is leaking, and she is on antibiotics as a precaution. If she hasn't delivered by the time she reaches 34 wks. they will have to induce her labor for health reasons.
    My mom goes for her surgery on June 2. Lots going on.
    Well you take care Grandma and have a good week.
    Thinking of you.
    Dianne :)

  6. I am smiling as I just went back to my blog and noticed you were there when I was here.
    Thanks Gail, for your thoughts, and prayers.
    xx's Dianne :)

  7. Wishing you a Happy Mother's (a few weeks late). Sounds like you are a lucky mama. Thanks for your nice comment at Tangled Happy. Wishing you a happy weekend. :)

  8. did you get my comment on this G? i thought i did..but don't see it here.