Watch Out

If you don’t want to hear gripes, I suggest you visit somewhere else. You have been warned.

Tomorrow is Isabella’s birthday. Six years old!!! My baby is growing up so fast. Did we have a party for her yesterday (Saturday) or today? Never mind a party; did The Girl plan on coffee and cake over the weekend? No. For weeks, we have been asking my daughter what we are going to do for Bells’ bd. Nada, zip, nothing. She told us today that she wants us to all go Dutch treat to dinner tomorrow – a school night, when she doesn’t get home from work until six and Bells needs to go to sleep by eight the latest.

I could just spit I am so t’d off. I know it seems that I am overreacting. A little back story may be needed here: Himself and I have been watching Isabella on a regular basis practically since she was born. Most of the watching has been done by moi. If Bells is sick, I am the one who calls the bus driver and I take care of her. When Himself is off will get up with our girl and let me sleep in whilst he gets her on the bus.

This isn’t so bad, right? Multiply it by 180 school days a year and with me being the one who has to do 95% of the running around including visits to great-grandma and play dates on days off, library visits when the temps are high in the summer, birthday parties, dance when it is available…are you getting the picture.

All I asked was for was cake and coffee to be planned by my daughter!!! What does she do instead? Who cares!! I am right and she is wrong. Period. Right? No? Ugh. I just had to get that off my chest. I may be wrong but I am still t’d off. On top of that, Bells thinks she is having a big party at a “bouncy” place (The Girl just told me this this evening). I don’t want her to be disappointed but that ain’t going to happen.

I’m done with my griping. I’ll end with a cute pic of the little girl who makes it all worthwhile. And she is sooo worth it.

Where Did Twenty-Four Years Go?!

Twenty-four years ago today, Himself and I were married. Say what? I look in the mirror and wonder where that young woman disappeared to. When did my grandmother replace her?

Since that fateful eve, I have given birth to a son, welcomed a granddaughter, buried two grandmothers (one of whom was my best friend)and a father-in-law. Buildings have come down and wars have been fought. We moved into a house and have nearly lost it to the economy and our own fiscal foolishness.

Good things and bad have come our way and gone from our hands; many tears have fallen and many laughs have been guffawed. We have survived an autism diagnosis and watched our grandbaby triumph and fail.

There were times I thought we wouldn't make it; kindness and cruelty have come from my lips with, it seems, not enough of the former. Still, we stick around.

About my grandmother looking back at me from the mirror: she was my best friend, a woman I wanted to emulate. If I am going to age to reflect anyone, I am glad it is she, whom I still miss every day.

Happy anniversary, Himself. Let's try a little harder.

Sunday, Sunday

Nearly every Sunday during (American) football season, my son's friends fill my living room and watch the games together. Truth be told, I like it. I would like to have my living room to myself but seeing them enjoy each other is worth the bother.

Unlike other wives, I am not a football widow. I like the game and understand it. The Boy started playing when he was seven years old but my interest was piqued before that; long before that. I, gail of the great Atlantic northeast, am a Seattle Seahawks fan! Yup, the entire country stands between me and my team.

There is really no reason why I got into that other than Sundays in autumn are all about football. And church. Period. Also, I want to get some entries going.

Trying to figure what to write has been so difficult. Do you really want to hear about my tantrum last night when I couldn't take what was going on any longer? Or about how I am disappointed that The Girl isn't taking Isabella to the free special needs dance classes? Or that I am sleeping a lot, probably because of fibromyalgia and the stress of having to be up very early with Bells to get her ready for the school bus? Or that I need some time to myself and haven't been getting it? That I need a visit with my bff in the worst way?

Why would you want to hear about any of that?! I don't even want to hear about it. I am not liking myself very much right now but that will pass.

Let me leave you with this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f11-ClTi3og Maybe you will forgive me when you can't get this out of your head!

Life Goes On

The last few weeks have flashed by in a whirlwind. The Girl and Bells moved into a new place close by and we helped with that. Exhausting for all involved and we are hoping for the best. Establishing Isabella in her new schedule at school has been difficult. Instead of being in the contained classroom all day, she has been entering school with the "neuro-typical" (N.T.) class (e.g. regular kindergarten class) and doing all her specials (library, phys. ed., music, etc.) with that class whilst doing her academics in the contained (autism) classroom. Her teacher from last year and the child study team leader felt she was ready for this. However, our nearly always happy girl has shown anxiety like never before. Fortunately, her child study team leader saw her crying when she was leaving the gym one day and Bells was able to express that it was too noisy and too many kids and whatever else was bothering her. As a result, the team leader was able to ascertain which specials Bells felt comfortable. Things are going a bit better now. Maybe one more week will show a greater change. I want my happy girl back.

(Isabella with her greatgrandmother) Yesterday, I gave Himself the day off and went to a wedding and reception with some friends. You know, I just might make a habit of this! We have gone to so many wedding receptions because of the number of children his friends have that it tends to get old. He is older than I am and some of MY friends' children are of marrying age now. If he isn't friends as a couple with my friends I will probably go the weddings by myself! With all that has been going on, I am beat. When you don't give in to the fatique of fibromyalgia, it will bite you in the bum. Today has been a true day of rest as in staying in bed until mid afternoon and doing no work at all. It's a crazy balancing act but at least I am not experiencing a lot of pain. Yea! (That was last week when I didn't give in! Flat on my back and sleeping for a day but that's okay.) All in all, life hasn't been all that bad. Our bellies are full, we have clothing on our backs, a roof over our heads and a loving Father in heaven who meets all our needs. Blessings to all, g

What's Been Going On (An Update)

Boring title, eh? I’m kind of out of it so hang on and be patient.

If you are viewing this on blogger, woo-hoo! I'm not locked out any more!

Presently, I am taking care of Himself and The Boy who both had their wisdom teeth removed yesterday. Today is a little better probably because they are sleeping a lot from taking pain meds. (yea, meds!). Besides taking care of them, I had to bring Isabella to school and my mother-in-love to the doctor. The nap I took this afternoon was delicious.

I bright spot in my life was my recent meeting with another blog buddy! I was so excited to meet “S” and we had such a wonderful time. She was traveling through my state and stopped on the way home so we could spend a little time together. It is wonderful to not be disappointed when meeting people I have know virtually for years. I have been blessed in this department. S warm and intelligent and someone I would be proud to call friend.

As for Bells, school is a lot different for her this year and she had a rocky start. She seems to be calming down and enjoying herself. She is with neurotypical students in the beginning of the day and for specials. How I love that kid – even though she can be a brat…

As of last Friday, I have now lost 35 pounds! Weight Watchers is a very good plan if you follow it. I also rejoined the gym where my son is a personal trainer. Other people pay and get a half hour. I don’t pay and get grumbling and maybe fifteen minutes. Remind me of why I let him live here?

This past year I have taken up knitting and crocheting. My gram taught me when I was a child but I didn’t have the patience. In knitting, I have made a number of scarves and prayer shawls. A prayer shawl is one that you pray over the person you are making it for. I now give them for baby and bridal shower gifts. They seem to be appreciated.

Hmmm, what else…I really want to be here blogging. Really! It’s that same old thing, though. I don’t want to write about nothing. I’m popping in to keep in touch.

Blessings to all, g

I Won't Forget

A rerun for several years...

It was a beautiful day much like today. Temperature was around 70 and school had just started again after a long summer break. I had just finished an exercise video and was about to start the treadmill when I turned on the tv. Instead of the regular programming the station was showing a view of the World Trade Center which was expelling billowing, dark gray smoke.

I called Himself at work to see what the buzz was there since he was in the travel industry. They thought it was a small plane gone astray just as one did at the Empire State Building many years ago. While we were talking, a second plane went into the other Tower and I screamed, "OhmyGod! OhmyGod! OhmyGod! It was then we knew we were being attacked.

After hanging up with Himself, I tried to go on the treadmill. Was it shock? A need for normalcy or routine in my world which had just been turned upside down? I can't tell you but I remember that I couldn't stay on that machine but, instead, sat riveted to the television.

I called my sister and gave her office the lowdown. I called my parents, brother, friends and told those who hadn't heard yet to put on their tv's. What channel, they asked. Any channel.

Thinking about bioterrorism, I went to the nearest supermarket and bought twenty-two gallons of water and two gallons of bleach for purifying water. I then filled up my gas tank and told the Arab attendant to be careful. Next was a stop at my dd's home. She was a mess but I knew that her friends were on their way so I went to The Boy's school.

The Boy was in the lunch room and I explained to him and his friends what was happening as calmly as possible. They didn't seem spooked so I asked my boy if he wanted to stay in school and be brave for his friends. He said yes. As I was leaving, I stopped in at the nurse's office. I told her I didn't know what was the right thing to do. She told me that, yes, I did know. I immediately went back to the lunch room and took my son home.

Himself was not permitted to leave work until three that afternoon. We had to turn off the television despite the fact that I didn't want to. It just wasn't good for our boy to watch this over and over again.

Living close to a very busy airport we are quite used to hearing planes going overhead at any time of the day. One of the most eerie parts of that day was the silence of commuter jet traffic and the roar of military jets and the pulsing of helicopter rotors which occasionally swept by.

We had no idea what was to come next. All we knew was that we were together, God was and is alive and well and that His eye was/is on us.

Truth be told, I don't remember much else about that day. I was helping to care for a friend who was dying of cancer and had to compartmentalize everything to be able to cope. In the following months, I became anorexic (not for the first time), my son graduated from sixth grade, my dear friend died and I went into an eating disorders facility for three weeks to keep from dying myself. However, on September 11, 2002, the trauma hit me big time. I kept expecting the same thing to happen. It didn't, thankfully, but the PTSD Alien Hunter speaks of was and, I believe, is still rampant in these here parts.

On this fifth anniversay, I sit here and wonder when the next attack will occur and if it will happen in the same places. Could my son cope with watching a site in NYC smoking and burning for two months again? I don't care what your political leanings are but I believe this administration has strengthened our security greatly. Our borders are still porous and that is a problem we need to deal with. Whether or not we belong in Iraq will not be discussed on this site and I will immediately delete any posts referring to it.

One of my greatest fears is that we, as a nation, have become complacent. Yes, we have to get on with our lives. However, there are people who complain about taking off their shoes before hopping on a plane and many who no longer fly their flags like we did five years ago. The taxis in NYC are honking their horns loudly again unlike the control they showed for what I believe was months after 9/11.

One good change has remained, though. We say, "I love you," much more freely than we did five years ago. We are much more aware of how fragile and finite our lives are. This is a very good thing.

Moving Right Along

We had Isabella’s IEP (Individual Education Plan) meeting recently and were thrilled to learn that Bells’ teacher and the child study team feel Isabella is ready to enter kindergarten. In the morning, she will enter the school with an NT (neurotypical) class and then go to her contained classroom with only three other students! All her specials (art, music, phys. ed., etc.) and recess will also be with the NT class! This is a wonderful improvement and we are thrilled with her progress.

The Girl is concerned, though, that Bells is noticing when NT kids her age and older say hurtful things like, “Why does she act like a baby?” She isn’t where they are socially yet and they don’t get it. Breaks a mom’s (and a Booboo’s) heart.

We are in the dog days of summer and autumn can’t get here soon enough for this cool weather girl. Ragweed must be blooming because my whole household is hurting. So thankful for air conditioning.

We’ve been invited to go down the shore for a few days with our dear friends. Himself is so excited. More than two nights away from my bed is difficult for me but I will do it for him. Ugh.

I’m down 30 pounds now! Twenty more to go. Feels goooood!

Last week, I spent five and a half hours with a 91 year old learning all about her life. It was so interesting! I love seniors, do you?

What’s going on in your world? I really want know!

blessings, gail